Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Insanity, my New Year's Resolution for 2012


Albert Einstein is well known for his famous quote about insanity...

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I have been living with insanity for well over 13 years now.  RA is part of my insanity but even more so is my stubbornness.  Because I am a type A personality and partly because I really still believe in my heart and soul that ra can not rob me of anything further, I have continued to do the same things over and over again and expected different results.



Oh let me count the ways of my insanity:


I am pretty much still cooking the same way I did pre RA.
I am still attempting to clean my bathroom the same way I did pre RA.
I am still insisting that I can drive long distances the same way I did pre RA.
I am still driving a car that is NOT ra friendly at all! If and when I am lucky to get the car at all!
I am still doing laundry the same way I did pre RA. And yes that includes ironing at times. Stupid me!
I am still vacuuming with the same clunker I had pre RA.
I am still insisting I will find better doctors. I have been insisting for over two years now.
I am still known to say yes when I should have said no.
I still only use assistive devices when it is absolutely necessary.
I still haven't come to grips with the fact that ra does change us and it has changed me.

Yes, under Albert Einstein's definition, I am truly insane.

I know why I fight it. I have changed many, many things since being diagnosed with ra. I can no longer work. I no longer wear fashion forward shoes. I sleep alot more then ever before.  I take lots of pills each and every day.  It takes me six times as long to do anything as compare to my pre ra days, if I can do it at all.  The list of changes goes on and on and on.

And this is why I continue to fight what little pre ra things I have left.  I really believe that for some reason I will think I am throwing in the towel. Admitting that ra has won out. Yes, I know that this reasoning is faulty but I still cling to it like it is my life line to reality.  So, for this new year I am making a resolution to not oblige myself to Albert Einstein's definition of insanity.

I am hoping that this resolution will set me free at last and I am hoping to share with you how I am overcoming my insanity.

What, if any, New Year's Resolution have you made for 2012?




11 comments:

tharr said...

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head. Marge Simpson

Don't really do resolutions anymore but ... I'm going to have fun in 2012!

Joan said...

I'm not giving in yet either and I will continue to wave my banner of insanity.

Keep fighting!

Deb aka AbcsOfra said...

Tharr...I am not really a resolutions person of sort but more a change in perspective I suppose. And yes...fun is on the top of my list and has been for 13 years now. One thing I do know for sure...life is too short and I plan on living it to the fullest I possible can even with ra.

Joan...Nope, I will never give in! Too stubborn first of all and there is still just too many things I want to do on this earth :-) Maybe I will see you out there with our banners flying high!

Stacie said...

As a fellow RA sufferer, I just wanted to say hello and am excited that I found your blog today! :)
I am hoping for an insane 2012! I'll never stop trying! :D

Susan said...

I think of it this way, if I can make the things I HAVE to do easier, or delegate them, or do them less often or stop doing them altogether...

Then I have more energy to do the things I WANT to do, before RA takes any more away.

A little example: I let the dishwasher wash everything - everything from my mother's crystal goblets to my best knife. Life is short, things are, after all just things.

Save you energy for taking those wonderful photos, share your great sense of humor, encouraging all of us with your insightful comments on our blogs - and let the dust bunnies roll! I guarantee, they will still be under the bed next week, fatter and happier than ever!

Happy New Year, Deb.

KlemMel said...

Deb- your post really spoke to me as I have been thinking about this very definition of insanity lately as I struggle again and again opening a can, jar, shampoo bottle, buttons, etc. and as I begin to think about more long term plans for my career, housekeeping, etc.

While I think RA does change us, it can't change some things - like our spirit. I am still learning how to prioritize, and sometimes rating fun instead of chores!

Happy New Year to you

Carla said...

Deb: I loved your post, particularly as I contemplate my own resolutions for 2012. May we all have the fullest life possible in 2012 (insane or not ...). Happy New Year.

Cathy said...

I like Terry's comment. :)

My resolution which doesn't come just at the new year, but something I try to renew all year is simplifying my life so I have more time for my family and more time for myself. I am constantly trying to balance "stuff" I have to do with what I want to do.

Happy 2012.

abcsofra said...

Stacie....Welcome! So sorry as to why you are here but I am so glad you have come and look forward to seeing you around :-)

Susan...well bless your heart! I so agree and I am now looking into how I can make everything easier for me. I just know it has been my stubborness playing a big role in why I keep at it the old way/pre ra way.

KlemMel...My heart is just breaking for you as I read your comment. I have asked myself the why question so often I ask no more. Not why me but why is this disease so hard on some of us and why no cure yet. Then I know I have the answer...because Y is a crooked letter. And yes, always hold fun close to your heart and at the very top of your list of what must be done. The rest will work themselves out...trust me on this one...they will.

Carla...Happy New Year to you too! And may we all raise a glass of cheer this upcoming year every single day we wake and gather our strength and determination to keep on keeping on.

Cathy...Now if we could just get the rest of the world to help us out here on this simplification thing. Really...truly! I worked in the corporate world for years and years and it never ceases to amaze me just how complicated businesses chose to make out lives in every single thing we must do. I love that people are finally standing up in a small revolt of sorts and saying...no more. If only every business would apply the KISS principle, just think how much time and energy we could be saved. In my own home I can reign supreme but once I get out into the world...well that is another post for another day. Have a wonderfully simple 2012!

Rachel said...

Deb, I love your "resolution" and completely understand where your insanity comes from. I know that feeling that by not doing some things means giving into the ra. That is a hard concept for me too. I wish you all the best, every day in the year to come.

My resolution is to continue to accept where I am and to try and understand that acceptance doesn't have to mean giving in or even worse, failure.

Happy New Year Deb!

adrienne said...

Deb, I hear you! the one thing I did this year to stop the insanity was to get a Rumba. I will never vacuum again. I also try to let it go. Give yourself a break! I went through a time where I didn't want to do things differently because I thought I was giving into RA but now I see that I am being smart by saving the energy I have for the things I want to do and not wasting it on things that I thought I had to do.