Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Insanity, my New Year's Resolution for 2012

Albert Einstein is well known for his famous quote about insanity...

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I have been living with insanity for well over 13 years now.  RA is part of my insanity but even more so is my stubbornness.  Because I am a type A personality and partly because I really still believe in my heart and soul that ra can not rob me of anything further, I have continued to do the same things over and over again and expected different results.

Oh let me count the ways of my insanity:

I am pretty much still cooking the same way I did pre RA.
I am still attempting to clean my bathroom the same way I did pre RA.
I am still insisting that I can drive long distances the same way I did pre RA.
I am still driving a car that is NOT ra friendly at all! If and when I am lucky to get the car at all!
I am still doing laundry the same way I did pre RA. And yes that includes ironing at times. Stupid me!
I am still vacuuming with the same clunker I had pre RA.
I am still insisting I will find better doctors. I have been insisting for over two years now.
I am still known to say yes when I should have said no.
I still only use assistive devices when it is absolutely necessary.
I still haven't come to grips with the fact that ra does change us and it has changed me.

Yes, under Albert Einstein's definition, I am truly insane.

I know why I fight it. I have changed many, many things since being diagnosed with ra. I can no longer work. I no longer wear fashion forward shoes. I sleep alot more then ever before.  I take lots of pills each and every day.  It takes me six times as long to do anything as compare to my pre ra days, if I can do it at all.  The list of changes goes on and on and on.

And this is why I continue to fight what little pre ra things I have left.  I really believe that for some reason I will think I am throwing in the towel. Admitting that ra has won out. Yes, I know that this reasoning is faulty but I still cling to it like it is my life line to reality.  So, for this new year I am making a resolution to not oblige myself to Albert Einstein's definition of insanity.

I am hoping that this resolution will set me free at last and I am hoping to share with you how I am overcoming my insanity.

What, if any, New Year's Resolution have you made for 2012?